Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Grievous Bodily Press

Grievous Bodily Press is a brand new publishing house, founded just last week by clumsy entrepeneur, Grievous Bodily. Bodily is enthusiastic about the endeavour, damning rumours he is notoriously indifferent to books as 'somewhat exaggerated.' The firm intend to launch five titles by the end of April:

The Parts Of My Body That Shake When I Brush My Teeth Vigorously In The Nude, by SF Nundy, PhD. In this book, Nundy lists the parts of his body that shake when he brushes his teeth vigorously in the nude. There will be an animated 'eBook experience' released in the summer.

Shelf Help: Organise Your Library, Organise Your Life, by failed superhero, Nixon Overthere. Overthere claims that redheads with anxiety issues should shelve Rowling under 'G' in Reference/Miscellaneous, and backs up his claims with a seriously impressive lack of scholarship.

The Outstanding Life, by Keith Swimming. This 100% unofficial biography covers the steamy affairs, failed marriages, battles with drink and inevitable descent into therapy of the person reading the book. All you have to do is write your name in the blank in the first line, and ignore the use of 'he/she' throughout the book.

Stephen King, by Mike 'THE SHINING' Jones. A no-good down-and-out gets elected King of the Stephens, and has to deal with the obvious confusion his new title brings him, like publishers wanting to pay him lots of money. Meanwhile, he must bring lasting peace to the various warring factions of Stephens, by destroying the V Alternative.

Men Are From Earth, Women are From Earth, by Evelyn Hillary. Hillary argues that cats and dogs are also both from earth, but this doesn't mean there should be six of each species whenever there are twelve or more animals in a building. Hillary is said to be working on a sequel, Children & Old People: The Forgotten Genders.


  1. Hahahaha nicely done. It is scary what is available these days.


  2. Nice! I particularly loved The Outstanding Life!

  3. @ Misha: It IS scary. Note to self: shelve celebrity memoirs under 'Horror' at work...

    @ Jen: Thanks!